Adjustments

Having watched the movie ‘the adjustment buearu’ I can see the correlations of that movie and Islam, in life and God.  We have limited free will, which I take to mean that God has a set plan for us but we can choose to follow His plan or not. The movie suggests likewise but that when we are irresponsible with our free will, it will be taken from us and our ‘plan’ of life will be set. The paths leading to career success and love will be pre-determined. Is real life also a series of paths? Did life take me on this journey of parenthood and marriage? I worry at times if my depression or negative perception is because I should be on a different path or that I;m not satisfied with  my path chosen by Allah. I worry about unworthiness and being lost, feeling lost.

Perhaps like in the movie I need to rethink what fulfills me, tune into my triggers of happiness. Damon’s character though politics filled him but it wasn’t the case/ his love interest was willing to forgo career happiness for love. I grew up believing the college and career path would fulfill me but it hasn’t. So I need to adjust my perception, look deeper at who I am and not hold back.  I yearn to feel more free and loose but hold back so much out of fear of embarrassment and failure, of being rejected and of disappointing- God, myself, my family.  What if I lived like ‘no one was watching?’ like a famous person who didn’t fear paparazzi at every turn. What if I absorbed my faith’s teachings without the connotations of ‘bad’ and ‘rules’ but just as a guide on the path of happiness?

 I want to let go and (truly) let God

Hijab and standing strong

I read this article from a great new website I recently found and I was so moved, mashallah. It answered a question about taking off hijab and make such amazing points - on how it's not meant to be pleasing to any one but God, is part of the belief that “Islam is not a state of being but it is a process of becoming,”and that the 'rush' of being a hijabi may diminish but that the act is not small but one that helps our spiritual enlightenment. The sin of not wearing itor not being as modest is not to be focused on but rather the act of sinning period. Additionally, a commenter noted that wanting to be attractive for others may feel good at the moment but it fades and then what was the point?  


That is so powerful to me because I have lived my youth doing that- rushing to look good, be sexy, to please others and it was a high that never satisfied, it was never gratifying. Islam saved me from demeaning myself and beyond that, from looking for peace from people and finding it in God. Hijab for me is the daily part of my commitment to God and my faith, its neither a small act or the 'end all be all' (I wont explode if a hair is showing but I would feel exposed, and did when I wore an outfit that turned out to be a little revealing) but part of wanting to be the best Muslim I can be, in addition to prayers and other acts of worship


I worry with the upcoming round of job interviews about hijab and if I should take it off to get hired. But this message reminded me that the worries of this life will never be as important as my faith and standing by what is right. Hijab is what's right in my life and I pray God blesses me for it and helps me stand by it and adhere to it.


May God forgive me for the times I struggle with hijab and staying modest and bless me with wisdom and courage